Be sure to put your mask on before assisting others

This is NOT a post about the COVID-19 pandemic or government mask mandates. I promise.

This is a post, however, about leadership. And the need for leaders to care for themselves first before we can care for those we lead.

If you’re anything like me (or at least like I used to be), you might think it’s noble to skip taking care of yourself so that you can instead pour into the individuals on your team, your friends, family, and other loved ones. I used to see this as a sacrifice I was willing to make to care for other people.

There was a time in my life when I thought that the number of hours worked, the number of nights and weekends sacrificed away from my family for my business, and the low hours slept every night meant that I was committed to the success of our company and our clients (all of whom were nonprofit organizations doing critical work in the world). I would take calls at any time, day or night. Wouldn’t hesitate to work the entire weekend, stay late into the night, and jump on a plane at a moment’s notice to meet a client that had a need. I’m embarrassed to say that I even had a stretch of years where I completely missed being home for my kids’ and my wife’s birthdays because I was on the road for work.

While I could justify each of these decisions individually…this client had an emergency situation. If I don’t go to that meeting, we’ll lose that account. I need to be in the room with that person to advance this major project, etc., when I look back at them in total, I can see that I was making a huge mistake as a leader.

What these decisions led to were unhealthy habits. Living this way caused me to eat poorly (and overeat — it’s way easy to do that on the road), to drink too much (again, really easy to do this when you’re living on the road), to de-prioritize exercise, sleep, and recovery time for myself, and to de-prioritize connecting with my family. The sum of all of these issues is that my proverbial tank was on empty. I was showing up for work physically, but I wasn’t able to invest in my people the way I needed to because I didn’t have much at all to give.

That’s when a former colleague of mine reminded me of that little saying that every airline flight crew includes in their safety briefings. In the event of an emergency, be sure to put your oxygen mask on first before assisting others.

They don’t say that because they want to kill the children and the elderly on their flights. They say it because they know that there’s a risk that if you don’t put your mask on first you might run out of oxygen and pass out before you’re able to assist others around you. And when that happens, you’re no good to anyone. Not yourself or those in your care.

The same is true in our leadership efforts. If we don’t care for ourselves first. If we don’t prioritize things like rest, time away from the office with friends and loved ones, building healthy habits like regular exercise, etc., we’ll be no good to those we serve. No matter how much you want to lead well, if you’re not emotionally and physically healthy, there’s no way you can lead well.

While it might feel selfish (I know that’s how it initially felt to me) to focus on your own wellbeing first, it’s not. It’s actually one of the most selfless ways you can serve those in your care, whether that’s staff at your organization, or your family. Because showing up fully for them requires that you show up fully for yourself first.

If this resonates with you, you’re not alone. And you’re not a bad person because you’ve been living this way. But now’s your opportunity to make change. Here’s what I recommend:

1. Get a good night of sleep. It’s probably the #1 way to improve your life and leadership if you’re currently on a path to burning out. Shoot for at least 7 hours each night. You’ll be amazed at how much of a positive impact this provides.
2. Eat well and hydrate. It’s so easy when you’re a busy leader to either skip meals or pack meals full of junk food. Especially if you’re in an office where people frequently bring in unhealthy treats like donuts, cookies, etc. I mean, who doesn’t like an occasional treat like that, right? Limiting those and focusing on healthy alternatives — and eating regular, smaller meals that are high in protein and complex carbohydrates can do wonders for you. Even better if you can swap out that soft drink (or worse, energy drink) for water or unsweet tea. Your brain needs the right nutrients and fluids to function at a high level on a consistent basis.
3. Get moving! I know one busy executive at a tech firm that serves nonprofits. She started taking walking meetings and making her sales calls while she walked around her neighborhood to help offset the fact that she otherwise sits at a desk all day. You don’t have to run a marathon to stay in shape. Getting just 30 minutes of activity in each day can make a huge impact. Personally, I’ve also opted for a standing desk because it helps increase circulation and has other positive benefits. And I walk around our neighborhood as much as I can. Whatever physical activity you enjoy doing, go do as much of it as you can pack into your schedule. You won’t be sorry. And here’s the kicker. Not only does physical activity have positive physical benefits. It also helps you think more clearly, which is a huge plus!
4. Break bad habits. What do I mean by this? If you smoke, I beg you to stop. Every time you smoke it takes days off your life. The world needs your contribution. Don’t cut it short. Limit your alcohol consumption. Many people enjoy a beer or glass of wine on occasion. Some enjoy that too often, and it becomes problematic. Even if you don’t have a “drinking problem”, alcohol is proven to slow mental function and contribute to other negative health factors like weight gain. The more you limit alcohol intake and opt for other healthier options, the better you’ll feel. I promise.
5. Make time to connect. Invest time in activities you enjoy, alongside people you care about. Humans all need relationships. We can’t function well in society apart from relationships with one another. But if you don’t prioritize investing in building deep relationships and sharing time with those whom you care about, it will take a negative toll on your emotional and physical health. Go schedule that goat yoga class with your best friend. Show up late to work next Monday so you can take your kid out for pancakes before school. End the day early next Thursday so you can take your significant other out on a date. Whatever it is. Schedule the time and protect it.

If you stuck with me this long, you might be thinking to yourself, what the heck does any of this have to do with fundraising and nonprofits???

Here’s the deal. You’re on a mission to make a meaningful impact in the world through your work in the social good sector. I am too. And one of the ways I make that impact is by shooting straight with you about the things that will keep you from being successful. I promise you that if you care for yourself you’ll become a better leader. And if you become a better leader, you’ll make a bigger impact on those in your care. When that happens, the collective impact you’ll have on the world is limitless.